you made that clear, now i freeze to death cas'
by SupernaturalDCS
Summary: Castiel was hurt by the baby in a trench coat but he was also confused, why did Dean make him feel so many things, but what does Dean really feel? & what will happen if he thinks that the angel he loves doesnt like him. Destiel Gabriel didnt die, Dean is rather OOC as is Castiel but give it a chance & review please? attempted suicide and Sam kicking Dean and CAS possessive of Dean


'_You're just a baby in a trench coat' _

'_You're just a baby in a trench coat'_

The words kept floating around Castiel's mind. It hurt to know that Dean thought he was useless, to know that Dean only wanted him because he was an angel with the ability to 'nuke' a town if he so wished.

Castiel was constantly confused by the actions of Dean Winchester.

One minute he was in awe of Dean's 'never give up' attitude, the next he was annoyed with Dean's 'drink ourselves drunk' attitude.

He really should ask Balthazar about it, he knew more about human things like this, as much as Balthazar hated it, he knew a lot about the hairless apes.

Yes, that was what he should do, go talk to Balthazar.

_Who has a grudge against Dean _a part of his mind said.

Who else?

Bobby?

No he's a human, he wouldn't understand.

Same with Sam.

Gabriel?

Maybe, after all he has spent more time on Earth than any angel in heaven.

Yes that was it, he would talk to Gabriel.

With that in mind Castiel set of to find his brother, who was no doubt hiding from Balthazar, what with all the tricks that they played on one another, Gabriel is probably due for a prank to be played on him.

_Castiel_

Dean, typical, Castiel thought as he heard Dean pray to him.

Feeling the ever present need to go to the human, Castiel let himself go towards Dean.

'Cas, look, uh, well you know, uhh'.

What was Dean getting at? Castiel thought as Dean rubbed at his neck nervously, much like the way he did when he told Dean of his virginity.

'What is wrong Dean?'

'Look, about earlier'

Ah, so it was about earlier then was it?

'I wanted to say I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I was just well, I was just angry that someone had made the person I -, my best friend powerless, I was scared, and more importantly I was a jerk, I understand fully if you wanna have a go at me or hit me, but I didn't mean to call you a baby in a trench coat'.

Castiel was stunned by Dean's speech, Dean hardly ever apologised. Castiel was about to respond to this and tell him that he forgave him, when his mind decided to wander back to a little phrase that Dean had said but quickly rephrased.

'The person you what?'

Dean paled, _dammit he'd heard_.

'Uhh, what do you mean Cas?'

'You said the person I, then you cut yourself off, I want to know the end of that'.

'Uh, it's nothing Cas, please just forget it'.

'Please Dean'

'No'

'Please'

'No'

'Please'

'FINE, I FRIGGEN LOVE YOU' Dean shouted.

Castiel's face froze.

Dean loved him?

'Love me!' Castiel exclaimed, his voice full of disbelief and wary.

Dean looked down, 'always have' he added quietly.

'I don't know, I uhh' Castiel stuttered, trying to convey his words across to Dean.

But Dean thought that he had heard enough, 'save it' he said and stormed out of the door, bumping into Sam on the way, who was carrying a six pack.

'What the hell Dean?'

Dean ignored him and went straight for his Impala.

'DEAN!' Sam called after him.

'DEAN!'

But Dean ignored him.

He was too hurt over what Castiel had said, or rather hadn't said, Dean didn't want to stick around to hear that.

What was the point in listening to someone who held your heart, rip it up into little bits and stab it so many times.

Didn't matter though.

No-one ever truly wanted Dean.

His father didn't.

Sam didn't anymore.

And now it seemed as though Cas never did.

All this time, he was right to suppress his emotions and feelings.

His father was right, no-one wanted him, maybe no-one would even miss him when he was gone.

When he went to hell Sam certainly didn't.

He got busy with Ruby for Christ's sake!

With that thought firmly in his mind, Dean drove as fast as he could to the nearest lake.

It would be frozen, which would be perfect as he felt his heart had been frozen so it would be a very poetic death.

Not that he cared about poetry but he felt it would a cool, if you'll pardon the pun, way to die.

He stopped the Impala by the frozen lake, contemplating whether or not he should drive his baby into the lake or just walk onto it and jump until it broke.

After a second Dean decided on the latter.

After all Sam would need some form of transport.

Pulling out the paper from the dashboard Dean scribbled a note before opening his door.

He pulled of his leather jacket and shoes, no point in slowly dying, Dean thought.

He left his pants and t-shirt on, not wanting to give the person that found him, if anyone ever did find him, a shock seeing a naked frozen guy.

Not that Dean would mind anybody seeing him naked if he was dead.

What would be the point.

It's not like anyone would care anyway.

With that in mind Dean placed the note on the windscreen and walked onto the lake.

He wanted to get as far as he could before he would start to jump on the ice.

****

'What happened Cas?' Sam asked as he stormed into the motel room, startling the angel.

'Dean was apologising to me about the baby in a trench coat incident and he slipped up on some words, which I called him on, he refused to tell me at first but then he did' Castiel responded, with a sad look in his eyes.

'What did he say?'

'He professed his love for me'

Sam's face broke into a smile, 'bout time too'

'I do not understand'

'Cas, you must of noticed the way Dean looks at you'

'I just believed it to be of the norm in this century'.

'Jesus Cas, look Dean he has a hard time expressing his emotions and feelings, lately I think more than ever, and what with everything that went on with my soul I think Dean felt that he could only truly rely on you, and God he will kill me if I tell you this but, I think he started to believe that you liked him back. 'specially after that 'profound bond' comment you made earlier in the year'.

Castiel looked down, 'I had no idea that the feelings I felt were being reciprocated' Castiel murmered.

'You mean Dean's right? You like him as in like like him?'

'I do not understand the reference but yes I do believe that I love him'

'But he stormed out of here, what did you say when told you his feelings?'

'I didn't say anything, I was too shocked'.

Sam's expression started to fall, 'he thinks you don't like him, or are appalled at his feelings, dammit and added on to the depression he soley refuses to admit too, I think that's gonna send him over the edge, right Cas, I need you to search for the Impala, wherever that is Dean is bound to be nearby. I'll do a search for him and try and locate it'.

Castiel nodded and flew off in search of the black '67 Chevrolet that Dean loved.

****

Dean was about halfway onto the lake when he decided that it would be the best place to go in.

So he started to jump, the cool white ice underneath started to creak instantly, but didn't crack.

It took Dean 4 jumps before it did.

The snow-capped trees surrounding him were still and silent as the first crack was heard which was shortly followed by another and another.

Sensing that this was going to be his last few moments topside Dean looked at his baby and whispered, 'I love you Cas' before the ice underneath him gave way and his body was thrown under.

The icy waters were a shock to Dean's system and it made him gulp down a couple of mouthfuls of it by accident.

The hole he had come through was starting to freeze over, _it's like hell freezing over_ Dean mused in his head.

He was struggling to breathe now, his vision becoming cloudy, hurting because of the water, Dean's body drifted slightly in the water and he closed his eyes and thought of Castiel.

He thought of all the lingering stares, and the not so necessary touches, and how Castiel's hair looked fucking adorable and always had that just had sex look about it.

The Cas in his dreams loved him and they were happy together, the Cas in his dreams was looking at him with a smile on his face.

The Cas in his dreams was beckoning him closer, he obliged, he always did, he knew what came next.

He walked forwards and embraced Castiel and kissed the dry, chapped lips softly, looking into the dream angels eyes, they were so blue, so kind – but wait, the Cas in his dreams eyes were never this harsh, they never looked at him with such contempt.

Before Dean had chance to register what was happening a piercing white hot pain blasted through his system and as Castiel pulled away he looked down, he'd been stabbed.

Stabbed by his own dream lover.

It hurt that even his dream lover didn't want him anymore, that much was proof in the way that he'd been stabbed.

Dean opened his eyes and was surprised to find that only a few second had passed since he closed them.

His vision was slowly going black now, he welcomed it happily.

And soon he was encased in a black world.

****

'Sam, I have found the Impala, but Dean is nowhere near' Castiel said through his cell's speaker.

'Where is it?'

'By the lake'

Sam's breath hitched, 'the frozen one we passed yesterday?'

Hoping for a 'no' Sam crossed his fingers and awaited Cas' response.

'Yes'

'Dammit, right uhh, check the lake for any forms of life, because I got a feeling Dean is in there, I'll come over there now'

Castiel hung up and was about to step onto the icy lake when he noticed a note strapped to the windscreen.

It was addressed to him.

_Cas,_

_I'm sorry that it's gonna end this way for us, but I can't take any more heart ache_

_I can't take any more people giving up on me or not needing me._

_Had that all my life._

_I love you and always have man, and to see you look upon me with wary and disbelief about my words I,I just couldn't take it._

_I'm sorry that you are the one that will find me._

_And I'm sorry that by the time you read this I will have died,_

_But hey! Maybe I won't you know how stubborn Winchesters can be._

_But I hope I do, theres nothing for me here._

_You made that quite clear_

_Don't blame you though, I mean who would love me?_

_Im just an ex-torturer._

_Sorry_

_Love_

_Dean _

_X_

_p.s_

_look after Sammy, tell him im sorry and I'll haunt his ass if he breaks his new car – the Impala._

Castiel looked over at the lake and let silent tears stroll of his face

What had he done?

He'd just condemned the righteous man to believe no one wanted him.

Dropping the note to the floor and shrugging off his trench coat Castiel ran towards the lake and straight onto it.

He quickly saw where Dean had went in, he let himself go there and jumped into the water.

It was freezing, below 30 at least, Castiel frantically searched for Dean.

But he had to come back up for oxygen, this happened once more before he found Dean.

Dean was floating like they do in one of those movies, his arms were wide, his eyes closed, lips parted and he looked at peace, but Castiel knew that as long as though he was here then Dean would not die today.

Swimming over to Dean he grabbed hold of Dean's t-shirt, surprised by the easiness to pull him, Castiel swam back to the entrance of the lake.

His eyes were stinging and his lungs were burning but it didn't deter Castiel, so as soon as he and Dean had their heads above water he placed themselves on shore.

Coughing slightly Castiel pressed his fingers to Dean's neck to check for a pulse.

There was none.

'NO!' Castiel shouted and thumped Dean's chest and winced when he heard a crack.

'Cas!' Sam's voice said from the woods.

'Sam!' Castiel called back before started to peform CPR on Dean.

'Cas, please say he's okay'

'Sam, blankets,' Castiel ordered not looking as to where Sam was, his only focal point being that of Dean's well being.

'OH MY GOD!' Sam cried out as he saw his brother laid out on the snow, wet t-shirt and pants and nothing else on him.

Castiel was performing CPR, but it didn't look like it was working.

'NO!' Sam cried.

'SAM BLANKETS' Castiel ordered.

Sam quickly went into the Impala's trunk and pulled out the blankets that they kept there if the motel was full.

'Come on Dean' Sam whispered, 'come on'

Castiel, thumping Dean's chest breathed air into Dean's lips, lips that were blue and were frozen.

He looked beautiful, a frozen prince, Castiel mused.

'DEAN WINCHESTER, I LOVE YOU, AND I AM NOT GOING TO ALLOW YOU TO STAY DEAD WITHOUT KNOWING THAT' Castiel shouted as he turned Dean over to smack his back.

Sam came over with the blankets and stood up to give Castiel some room so that he could still perform CPR.

Castiel must have been doing CPR for at least a quarter of an hour before Sam put his hand on his shoulder.

'I'm sorry' he said.

'NO' Castiel screeched.

'Cas,' Sam said.

'It's my fault' Castiel cried.

'No, no it's not, Dean hadn't been happy for a while now. Don't blame yourself'

'Have you read the note?'

'What note?'

'On his windscreen, he said he hoped he'd die, because there was nothing here for him because I had made that clear to him'.

Sam read the letter solemly.

He looked at Dean's body, 'Dean, if you're hear in that state you were all those years ago, then you bastard, you absolute bastard, how dare you blame Castiel. You fricken killed yourself to alleviate your own pain regardless for anybody else. You selfish bastard' Sam screamed and kicked Dean's motionless body.

He was surprised when Castiel flung him back into a tree, hugging Dean's body protectively against his own.

He wrapped the blankets around them and whispered into Dean's hair, 'I love you' before kissing Dean on the lips.

He was surprised when he felt movement in the lips.

He carried on testing out the moves, when he heard a moan, 'Cas'.

Castiel pulled back to check that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him.

'Dean?'

Dean's eyes fluttered open and he coughed up some water, 'm' s'cold' he shivered, before passing out.

'Dean, stay awake for me,' Castiel begged.

'Tired'

'Please for me'

'k' Dean mumbled and opened his eyes, 'my angel'

'Yes Dean, your angel, no-one else's yours forever and always'

Dean smiled at this, 'am I dead?'

'What?'

'That's you say in my dreams, must be dead, no one wanted me when I was alive'.

'We do Dean, Sam needs you, I need you, I, I love you Dean Winchester, every fibre of my being says that I love you, you are mine and I am yours, till the ends of the universe, from the start to the end of time, I love you Dean Winchester'.

Dean surveyed Castiel's face to check to see if he was lying, he wasn't, Dean could tell.

'Kiss me' he stated.

'What?'

'Kiss me'

'With pleasure' Castiel responded and dipped his head to reach Dean's lips.

He only gave him a peck, before he lifted him up bridal style and placed him in the back seat of the Impala, where the leather jacket and shoes of Dean were and where his trench coat was now, he draped that over Dean and ordered Sam to drive them to the motel as quickly as possible.

Sam did, still to in shock that his brother was alive after what had to of been an 1 in the water and half being resuscitated.

'Cas' Dean moaned from the backseat.

'Hush Dean, I'm keeping you warm' Castiel said as he huddled closer to Dean.

When they arrived at the motel, Castiel carried Dean in and as soon as he was in placed him on the bed and took of his wet clothes.

'WOAH!' Sam said and turned around abruptly as he saw Castiel start to undress himself.

'I am keeping him warm Sam, if it 'freaks' you out then go to a bar'

'Uh, Dean I'll talk when you're more lucid, just stay alive'

Sam then walked out, the image of the angel taking off his shirt still fresh in his mind.

Castiel had just finished taking of Dean's clothes so he curled the covers over Dean and him, he then wrapped himself against Dean and gradually their shivering had stopped.

Castiel hadn't noticed that he'd been shivering but as soon as Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's he stopped and leant in to the embrace, they fell asleep like that, both content that they both were loved and their unrequited love was requited. Both content with the knowledge that neither would give up on one another, both content that they would be each other's forever.

**First Destiel, please review**


End file.
